Some Notes On My Personal Experience and Defining the Question “What is History?”
Updated: March 10, 2024
Through God’s high sufferance for the trial of man, By falsities and lies the greatest part Of mankind they corrupted to forsake God their Creator, and th’ invisible Glory of him that made them to transform Oft to the image of a brute, adorned With gay religions full of pomp and gold, And devils to adore for deities: Then were they known to men by various names, and various idols through the heathen world.” ~John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book I
Recently, I have been experiencing a correlation between, and this may sound hard to believe, but negative repercussions (ie: negative reinforcement) for attempting or locating any experience with the actor/singer known as Benjamin Barnes through his movies. Let me explain. I had attempted to re-watch the movie “Dorian Grey” and after the viewing of it, was made profoundly ill the next day. This may sound like I am “imagining” or connecting the experience to something that may actually be located “outside” of the movie experience itself, as there may be a real biological cause to why I felt ill the next day, but this seems to be a re-occuring thing. Let me explain. I am harassed constantly with electronic harassment, online hacking, and stalking. I then, accessed my Instagram account, which allows me access to “gain a brief peek” into Ben Barnes Instagram feed. This experience caused more negative repercussions in the form of harassment. I’m wondering now about my recent Facebook hack and if whether or not my Instagram account has been affected too, as I feel it has, because the two are inter-connected! I also feel my online activity is being “monitored.” Taking this all into consideration knowing my other online accounts in the past, cell phone messages via a mirroring app, email, blog sites have been repeatedly hacked into. I feel like someone wants me to repudiate the “Benjamin Barnes experience”, and “turn my gaze” through, what can be best described as “operant conditioning.”
To understand what this actor represents to me personally, requires knowledge of my past history, and to recognize an encounter I had with a Mercer County Prosecuting Detective in December 2006. Benjamin Barnes reminds me of this detective. Coincidentally, this detective claimed an identity more closely related to my twin sister. Who by all accounts possess a narcissistic disposition with a degree of sadism. In a symbolic way, am I being told to stay away from all three of these personalities? And how is it my body has come under the dominion of a “re-education torture program.”
The predication of evil is rooted in the past history of abuse which is then reenacted by the paranoid schizoid (victim-perpetrator) who seeks control and dominance over the past forms of his abuser via the surrogacy of his victims. This can most readily be understood in why men victimize women in acts of sexual assault, date rape, domestic violence, and intimate partner violence.
So, what is man kind’s history? To know history, is to recognize events located in time. Phenomenologically, events are located in the present or past, and are understood as impacting the future. It’s important to note the analysis of gang stalking and wireless electronic assault torture of Targeted Individuals is analyzed in phenomenologically terms as well. These “assaults” are characterized as occuring in the victims environment as researched by an environmental journal. Most importantly, historical events are experienced as having a certain “objective corporeal existence” outside of the self, even as the self-other relation filters and interprets these events. The sense of time and of objective external existence result in a conviction that events are absolute and unchangeable, and possess some essential independence from the subject who interprets it. The sense of time and space allows for events to be associated with agency, and allow truth to bear simultaneous markers of objectivity and subjectivity, to be both metaphoric and literal. The true history of past events is at once hard and soft, inner and outer, known and unknowable. Further there is an empathetic capacity to envision these external events from the subjective perspective of another. This capacity for multiple perspective taking occurs without collapsing either the experience of the self or the experience of the other. And it occurs without collapsing the absolute nature of the events being interpreted (Grand, 2000, pg. 18).
If evil consumes all, even consuming itself consuming, then intersubjective history attempts to retrieve truth from the void. And the truth that is retrieved remains a paradoxical truth: it is one which can and cannot be known, and which must be held in mourning and despair. Does someone want me to avert my gaze away from this man because he has portrayed the “Devil?” Or because he reminds me of the detective? And for what purpose? When, phenomenologically speaking, events are located in the present or past and are understood as impacting the future. Am I be being “treated” because this actor often portrays evil or the Devil much like how agents to Satan (ie: detectives and lawyers in legal courts) play in the adversarial court of the defendant’s destruction? Or because of my sister’s personality disposition? Whatever the reason, the perpetrstor’s issuing fort the assaults against me hides their identity. Sue Grand gives an astute interpretation. Investigating the victim’s obscurant approach to knowledge, evidence, and history we might find that she is actually “hidding the perpetrator’s own moral and agentic knowledge and may thereby potentiate the perpetrstor’s destructiveness.” When exploring the victim’s role in her own annihilation, it is important to remember the aspect of mutual influence. And here, Sue Grand is referring to the effect mutual influence has on “malignant dissociative contagion.”
Am I making sense of this correctly? When interpersonal interactions are always bidirectional in their effects, it is the person in superior power who bears exclusive culpability for destructiveness and the weaker, inferior, vulnerable subject who is placed in the role of victim.
Source:
Sue Grand. (2000). The Reproductive of Evil: A clinical and cultural perspective. Hillside, NJ. The Analytic Press.
The Phenomenology of Group-Stalking (Gang-Stalking): A content analysis of subjective experience. Int. J. Environ. Res. Public Health. 2020 Apr; 17(7):2506. Published online 2020, Apr 6. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7178134/
